Wednesday, 24 August 2011

The OC

It's been so long that I forgot that there used to be an awesome show called The OC long long ago back in the day. It was friggin awesome show.

We've been on the run, driving in the sun, lookin' out for number one, California here we come~

Oh god I miss this show. I remember the first time I watched it. I saw a box set sitting on the table one night, and found out that my sister had borrowed a new show from her friend called The OC. Sounds dumb, I thought. Who knew a newfound love and adoration for a television series started there and then itself.

Okay so it didn't start with intrigue or curiosity, I can tell you that. It started with boredom and the lack of studying for PMR. I used to stay up late to 'study' for the impending doom (or so I thought it was, as I always assume for upcoming exams) that was PMR. The prospect of death and massacre whilst attempting the exam didn't scare me as much as I thought it would because I managed to squeeze some reading and tv watching during those 'study' hours. And when I say some, I mean a lot.

I started reading the Shopaholic series during my 'study' time. That was only because I had no other books to read in the house except for the (tons of) motivational books ('Who Moved My Cheese?' anyone?) my dad kept upstairs and the the books my sister had. So obviously I chose the latter.

Then came The OC. Ah. The OC. Once I started I couldn't stop. I watched at least three episodes per night. Two seasons. Oh the joy.

The show started off quite well, with Ryan Atwood the bad boy brought to a new town he was most unaccustomed to, by his lawyer, when Ryan gets into trouble. When Ryan's family leaves home without him his lawyer, Sandy Cohen decides to take him in. Ryan, while being smart and grateful to the Cohens for their hospitality and kindness just can't help but get into trouble. He frequently drags the Cohens' son Seth into his issues mostly because Seth pretty much an asshole who can't shut up to save his life. Despite his track record, Ryan's an awesome guy. He's nice to Seth; they become best friends (obviously). A lot of typical high-class society drama comes up in the show as expected of these kinds of shows but they weren't so bad. I mean the town bully who was the girl-next-door Marissa Cooper's boyfried (typical) found out that his dad was gay (atypical). Looool. The show was so awesome.

And I can't remember why I stopped watching it. I should go get the box sets. <3

Monday, 1 August 2011


I'm finally going back to music class tomorrow after three weeks of not going. I'm so excited. The only thing I'm worried about is that I haven't been practising so... :S But that's never stopped me from having fun. We'll be preparing for our Navarathri performance this coming September. I checked the date and guess whaaaaat? Navarathri is after my finals. Yaaaaaaaays! :D:D I'll get to follow my teacher for all the performances like last year. There's nothing like a spiritual experience everyday to get you through a religious celebration.

Anyway after the online quiz that's due tomorrow I'm free for two weeks. No tests, no assignments, nothing. Nada. I felt a wave of relief passing through me as I submitted my assignment today. But when I handed it in to the officer in charge of collecting the assignments she told me that the lecturer forgot to mention that we are required to submit a soft copy of the assignment. So that means more work. Must submit on Thursday to him. Sigh.

But still. I'm not gonna let that put a damper on my spirits. This week's week ten. That means the bar list will be coming out next week. Which means I have till the end of the week to make sure I don't get barred from the exams. Which pretty much might happen attendance leaves much to be desired, namely the attendance itself.

Well now I'm stressed all over again.

Damn it.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Education is wasted on today's kids

Jordan did a good job at pissing me off today. Zomg la. The kid's thirteen and he's still confused by division and multiplication problem questions.

Kids nowadays are too smart for their own good.

Me: Jordan, 10 apples cost RM50. How much does one apple cost?

Jordan: *laughs like a maniac* So expensive ah one apple?


Me: 10 pencils cost RM20

Jordan: *bursts out laughing*

Me: Fine. 10 multi-functional pens (red, blue, black pens and a pencil all in one) cost RM20

Jordan: That's too cheap! Haahahahaaahaha!


Me: Jordan, 10 books cost RM30. How much does one book cost?

Jordan: Well, that would depend on what book it is.

Good god.

Me: FINE. 10 laptops RM10,000. Is that reasonable enough for you?

Jordan: Well that would depend. A Toshiba laptop would cost RM2500.

And then I choke him to death.

The end.

No more god damn pie.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

Flash Forward is a dumb show that should have been cancelled the moment the script was finalised

I was just looking through the videos I have on my computer and I can't believe I still have Flash Forward, that piece of crap, rotting away in My Videos.

You know what a piece of crap Flash Forward is? Let me show you.


The first episode was kind of good actually. I was really intrigued with the idea that the whole world blacked out for about two minutes and saw what they thought was their future.

Also the part where they checked the security camera in that stadium where everyone was blacked out BUT THIS ONE GUY WHO WAS JUST WALKING AROUND. Like woaaaaaah! I shriveled at that part. Zomg orgasmic.

The first episode ended with them looking at the computer screen saying "Who the hell is that? An why are they awake?" TEN-TEN-TEN-TENNNNNN!

There's nothing like a good conspiracy theory. They suspected that he was involved in the planning of the black out. Yes they started assuming the possibility of an arranged operation in the works.

Anyway, as the show proceeded into the later episodes the plot thickened.

Dead birds. Oooh creepy.

I stepped into my "Oh-give-me-a-break" mode then and there itself. But I thought that I shouldn't be so quick to judge. There's bound to be an explanation and a consequence to that part. There was.

Big tall structure in the middle of Somalia. Thousands of birds flocking towards it and all drop dead.


It all went downhill from there. I couldn't take the show seriously anymore.

Episode four was quite good though. Aside from the fact that Dimitri took the entire team on a wild goose chase to god knows where and found nothing but some dude carrying drugs. That would have been a valuable plot for, I dunno, Law and Order maybe? But let's forget the fact that episode four was probably made to stall the audience from focusing on the real plot of the story because the Mosaic team accomplished nothing but wastage of thousands of dollars of taxpayers money. Look at me, talking like an American. What the hell, I'm straying from my point. Now I'm talking like a Malaysian lawyer. Whooooop. Lol.

Anyway I was saying why episode four was so good. Because of Bryce and Olivia's latest case, a man who survived a bus crash and felt no stress response. So kool. Like something off Grey's Anatomy or or ER or something. But that's all.

Ooh the introduction of a new character, Alda Hertzog. That was unforseen. I mean. They practically nabbed a pedestrian and starting asking her "What do you know about the black out?" Dumbasses. Alda, the bitch, told them "You're wasting your energy on what caused the black out, who's responsible. You're ignoring the most profound question of all: Why?"


And then she started blurting out these Sufi parables. Who the fuck was this lady? WHY was the black out caused it seems. More questions.

At this point I nearly gave up watching this dumb show. And I was only in episode four.

And then that motherfucker with the bloody British accent (who had a vision that he slept with Olivia, which he eventually did because the both of them decided that they couldn't fight "Fate") had to get a call from that guy from the LOTR movies saying that they were responsible for the black out.


This pretty much went out till the end of the series where, honestly speaking, bias aside, no questions were answered.

- The viewers found out about a double agent working in Mosaic.

- The double agent had a contact who made it look like there was something really huge going down (of course she had to, the creators of the show might have been grasping at straws for anything that would keep audeince viewing) that she, the double agent couldn't know about because she wasn't high level yet.

- Then they were attacked by Chinese dudes who came out of nowhere.

- The double agent was actually a triple agent. Yow-za.

And there was another black out.

I am NOT kidding.

And the show got cancelled. Go figure.

And then Joseph Fiennes had the gall to say they were going somewhere with the show its just that it was taking just a little while to unravel. Yeah right. They probably didn't even know where they were going with it.

Such a dumb show.

Oh well at least there's pie.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

The God's honest truth

I'm tired. And that's the God's honest truth, as Mrs Naugatuck from the television series Maude would say. I honestly don't have enough energy to sit and study throughout the night. I'm so tired.

Guess who screwed up his second chance at the Online Exercise he didn't manage to do last week? Me. Oh and the other guy's Shu. He and I both screwed it up. According to him, and I agree, it's not actually our fault, so to speak. Because right, the lecturer didn't post up the password we needed to log into the quiz. But to be fair if we hadn't attempted the quiz at the last minute (for the second time) we'd have been able to notify the lecturer. Shu said Dr Yong sounded angry when he called Dr Yong to explain our little situation. Aiks.

Anyway, tomorrow's the mock cheque presensentation ceremony for the Actuary Today event and the emcee for the ceremony is none other than yours truly. I can only say this. Thank the good lord that Mr David's tutorial classes end at 6 and therefore the test will only start at 6 and the event ends at like 1. So I do have time to study.

Ah but then. I have the do the fourth online test. And study for Loss Models. And prepare for the event. And this weekend I have to spend studying for Risk Management next Tuesday. Speaking of the dreaded subject...

Mr William Sue was very...interesting in class today. He kept asking me questions. And at one point he sorta knew I wasn't paying attention and he was very nice about it. But then he asked me for details regarding the test and I didn't know so he deduced that I didn't attend his lecture yesterday. Which is true. I'd have defended myself and said that I did attend but he knew my name what the hell. He said somebody signed for me. Or maybe he thinks I'm some other indian guy. Who the hell knows. But he was very nice. I'm definitely giving him a good review in the survey this semester.


Oh god. Maybe he saw my Welcome to Hellmouth post. Oh my god.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

An epiphany

I must be doing this whole studying thing wrongly. I just had an epiphany. Thank you Facebook for your news feed.

I noticed a comment made by one of the brainiacs in my batch. Apparently during the break in a two-hour lecture, one should study what the lecturer will be covering in the remaining part of the lecture.

This was news to me.

It still is. I'm reeling from the shock of it.

Who knew? I always spent my breaks eating, sleeping, wasting away, talking, and at best reviewing what was taught in the first hour of the lecture. Actually I don't think I've ever done that. Who knew that this small, tiny, minute act during the five minute break represents the very reason that there exists a vast ocean of knowledge and understanding between the brainiacs and me. This might be the answer to all my prayers. This might be the key to grasping all that I've either been unable to grasp or...well...been unable to grasp.

I can see it now. I will be one of them some day. All it takes is five minutes. Five little itty bitty minutes of glancing at the notes during the break to see what's going to be taught next.

Well that and the humongous load of studying that I need to do late into the night. The number of hours I need to put in. The amount of sleep I'd have to give up. The life I'd have to let go of. The number of lunches I'd have to skip to do tutorials.

Oh god that does it. I can't give up food. No siree. Sorry big leagues, I'm too small for ya.

As if I had any chance.


Monday, 11 July 2011

The latest update on my awesome life

I'm dying from the workload. I have an assignment due in two weeks. I'm supposed to have submitted my part of the assignment...last Thursday. But I somehow managed to extend it to tonight. The thing is I really couldn't afford to focus on that when I had an online test that was due on Friday. And I sorta forgot to do the assignment. Hehe. But luckily our awesome group leader Kok Kin told us to submit it to him during the weekend. Which I didn't because I had the Survival Models test this morning. So the whole weekend I spent studying for Survival Models. I only studied Chapter 1 and 2 what the hell. It took me so long to understand the whole thing. The test covered Chapters One through Four. So yeah. But the test wasn't so bad. If I'd been sure of what I'd been doing during the test then I'd probably have been able to do averagely. But yeah we'll see what happens.


Yeah the test I was supposed to do on Friday right? Well an inconvenient (but I can't complain really) thing happened. The test was closing at 11.55pm. I logged in at 10.50pm. Hoping to have an hour to complete the quiz, I logged in and saw the timer give me under five minutes to finish. Shu logged in a little later and got about three minutes. LOL. The timer was screwed up. It was an hour faster than the actual time. So Shu and I just watched the timer count down together (on the phone) second by second, until it reached zero hour and closed the quiz. So we immediately emailed Dr Yong so he'd know. Which brings me to my next point.

Dr Yong reset the quiz for us. It's due tomorrow. So. Let's recap. I have an assignment due for submission to my group leader tonight, last week's Loss Models online test due tomorrow, Portfolio Management Mid Term on Thursday evening, this week's Loss Models online test due Thursday night, and Loss Models Test 1 on Friday morning. FML anyone? There's plenty going around UTAR Actuarial Science students' lives.

Meanwhile we have people like Joanna (whom I have to say I miss terribly because the lack of her presence and unique swagger has caused somewhat of a void in my life at uni) who get to laze around and FB at work. =.=

Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Omg am I gonna make this daily updates thing a habit?

I'm actually finding time to blog about my day. I guess I'm recovering well from my recent bout of despondency. A little too well I think. Ellana and I played spies in the library today. Okay, I played spy in the library today. It was a simple reconnaissance mission. Someone had stolen the Financial Economics study manual from the shelf and was perusing it conspicuously at the back of the library. Hah! Little did he know that he was being watched. *evil-fighting-super sleuth eye*

Anyway I don't have much time to blog because I'm having tuition at 4.30.

Oh my god I never knew anyone who's eviler than the Survival Models lecturer la. She was so evil. She decided that torturing students with an additional test on top of the TWO tests (THREE for some) they are gonna have next week was the lesser evil compared to torturing students with FIVE tests in the following week. Well it is. But she didn't have to torture us right? She could have had the test on Friday or something. But no. She "doesn't work" on Fridays. She could have the test in Week 9. But no. "There's an event on Monday, Week 9 and most of the students in the lecture class are involved in the event." She could have it on Wednesday, Week 9. But no. She "won't have any time to mark the papers before the next test" it seems. The next test is on Week 12 by the way. Seeing how she "doesn't work" on Fridays you'd think she'd utilise her weekend properly right? Well she doesn't think so. We suggested Saturday but all we got was a plain and simple "No". So now I regret not studying ANYTHING the past two nights because Loss Models is a killer and I know nothing about Portfolio Management to grant me a chance to attempt any of the questions in the Mid Term. Die la.

Urgh. Oh well. As Jordan's said before. At least there's pie. I dunno what that means. But the fact that pie exists should provide some comfort for those who are faced with the impending doom that is Loss Models, Portfolio Management, and Survival Models, the Mid Term trifecta for academically induced misery.

Kill me now. That's not the worst thing. When I entered Life Contingencies I tutorial, I realised that I'd better start finding religion and fast because this course aint getting any easier. It's going in the other direction, at maximum speed. Let me show you what Life Contingencies is all about. I shall relate it to a simple equation:

y = x + 2

This equation is far too simple to draw conclusions from. Let us expand this using (mind you, NOT RANDOM) numbers which we should know must be used to get the expected result.

y + 4 = x + 2 + 4

y + 4 -15 = x + 2 + 4 - 15

-z + y + 4 - 15 = -z + x + 2 + 4 - 15

-z + y -9 = -z + x - 6

-z + y = -z + x + 3

Now that you've brought another variable into the picture we need to solve that first.

Using some simple formula that you'd probably never guessed you could have used you get:

z = x + a + b - 7 + u

Oh look. We don't know the values of a, b, and u. Let's expand that shall we?

-5 + z = -5 + x + a + b - 7 + u

-5 + z = -12 + x + a + b + u

And from some formula stated in the footnote of the appendix in page 789 of the textbook, you'll realise that in fact x - 12 = a + b. So:

-5 + z = 2 (a + b) + u

And using the formula on page 231 of the textbook and through careful observation of the time diagram you'll see that 2 (a + b) + u = 0. So:

z = 5

But that's not your answer. You still have x and y to find.

-z + y = -z + x + 3

If you had a keen eye, you'd have realised that in the lecture notes the lecturer has included the fact that z and y can be related. So, through a series of simultaneously solved equations involving formulas that we can find on page 576 of the textbook, we can solve to get x and consequently y.

x = 0.33429095859

y= 78.4459003882

Let this be a warning to those who would like to do the course.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

I'm gonna blog about my life now zomg

Today was quite an awesome day. My mood has been considerably lifted.

First thing in the morning I had class. Ahhhhhh you know, sangeetham class in the morning really makes your day go so well. When I woke up this morning I think i stretched the wrong way or something (I don't really know how these things happen) but my back suddenly started aching. It was aching up until the time I went for class. When I sat down and started singing, mysteriously and miraculously the pain disappeared. This just shows. It shows. That music tames the savage muscle.

I learned this awesomely fabulous song I've been waiting to learn for sooooo long: Shobillu Sabthaswara by Tyagaraja. It's a fucking awesome song I tell you.

This is the best version I can find. I was so excited to learn this song last time. I waited for months and months for my teacher to teach me and my group this song. Then the moment I left the group (long story) my teacher decided to teach them the song. Arghhhh. That made me depressed. So yeah.

Anyhow my teacher's taught me the song. Actually part of it, but who cares. I'm learning Shobillu Sabthaswara. Muahahahah.

After class I headed straight to uni for class. I felt so studious today because I actually attended Loss Models tutorial and Risk Management lecture. Loss Models tutorial was so good because I finally figured out how to use the darned calculator and I have pretty much a good idea of what's gonna come out for the Mid-Term so whoop-tee-dee for me.

Risk Management was Risk Management. With William Sue being all likeable. I decided that I'm gonna give him a good review in the student survey this semester. Who knew that he'd actually try to change his ways? I know, I couldn't imagine myself saying this too. But I am.

So after that I headed to TBR to have tea with Ellana and Muthu. Muthu's Ellana's brother. So it need not be said how entertained I was watching them communicate. I told them that even though everyone says how un-alike they are, they actually look pretty alike to me. But then again that might be because I already know they're related. My senses weird me out sometimes.

Speaking of the bloody place, TBR had a facelift today MUAHA-FUCKIN-HAHA. The fugly place finally got cleared. A clean up crew (must be DBKL, SWAT, Impossible Mission Force, or even the Men in Black for all I know; God knows the place's cleanliness is on DEFCON 1) was sent to tear down all the stalls. Nothing was spared, neither trees, pavement, nor cement structure (ESPECIALLY cement structure). I think it's safe to say that TBR has been successfully neutralised. I can eat in peace now. Qades must be sad now. He enjoyed his occasional found-in-TBR-only side dish of drain sludge.

Such a wonderful day don't you think? Most of my prayers were answered today. But that wasn't a good thing per se. Because when I went for tuition with this unbearable student whom I always curse, she fell down the stairs and broke her front tooth. I feel so bad for me. I'm so sad. I hate pain, whether or not it's inflicted on me or others. Believe it or not, I may hate anyone to death, but when they are hurt badly I can't take it and immediately feel sorry for them. I'm such a nice guy la.

Oh well. Then I came home and made dinner and cleaned up and all that. I'm quite tired. I'd like to rest. But I have Loss Models and Portfolio Management Mid Terms next week. And I have to do the Loss Models online test by this Friday. And I need to prepare my part for the Portfolio Assignment. Sigh, will work never cease?

Monday, 4 July 2011

The funniest shit ever

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook just now:

"This year July has 5 Fridays 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This happens once every 823 years. This is called money bags. So copy this to your status and money will arrive within 4 days. Based on Chinese philosophy of Feng Shui. Those who read and do not copy will be without money. So let's all try our luck at this and see. It couldn't hurt.^^"

And the funniest shit is that someone commented:

"wanna join Bersih Rally?"

LOOOOOOOOL. So random. Made me sit in my seat and type "LOOOOOOL".

Actually it made me think. Wtf is up with all these kind of posts? Have you noticed that frequently we see people spreading info on stuff that seems to happen so rarely?

"Today the light bulbs in your house will blow at the same time. This only happens once in every 1002 years. This is a very lucky day. Spread this message and you'll get a surprise tomorrow."

"Today every leaf on a tree will have to same length. This only happens once in every 1145 years. This is a very lucky day. Spread this message and you'll get a surprise tomorrow."

"Today everyone on the street will not look at you in the eye. This only happens every day. Spread this message and your eye will turn black tomorrow."

"Today the Sun and the Moon are aligned. This only happens once every month. Spread this message and people will stare blankly at you. THIS only happens once every 545 years. Try it! What have you got to lose?"


Boring la.

My Life is back

It's been five months.

Five painstakingly long months since I'd last used my Dell Notebook. I miss it to bits. To itsy bitsy tiny bits.

My baby's back. I took it to the repair centre on Saturday and collected it... today.

Shouldn't have procrastinated, now should I? Oh well, I have a feeling I will never learn my lesson when it comes to procrastination.


I missed my Music so much. I couldn't take it loading those music videos on YouTube when I was using my brother's laptop.

First song I listened to: Faithfully by the Glee Cast. Oh oh ohhhh.

Second song: Peace and Hate- The Submarines.

Now playing: Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap.

God I've missed my songs.

There was something wrong with the operating system so I had the guys reformat Stella. Yes my Notebook has a name. Respect yo'. Damn I don't know what's gotten into me.


I'm still installing and personalizing Stella to make her the perfect notebook she once wasn't but will now be. Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Now playing: Hey, Soul Sister- Train. I can't wait to listen to all the songs I haven't had the chance to listen to since my computer. I'm so excited. And you're gonna be part of my rapture.

"I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided, who's one of my kind"

So you're probably wondering what the hell happened to Stella.

Now Playing: I Want You- Savage Garden

That'll have to wait because I have chores. BYE bitches.

My Life is back

It's been five months.

Five painstaking long months since I'd last used my Dell Notebook. I miss it to bits. To itsy bitsy tiny bits.

My baby's back. I took it to the repair centre on Saturday and collected it... today.

Shouldn't have procrastinated, now should I? Oh well, I have a feeling I will never learn my lesson when it comes to procrastination.


I missed my Music so much. I couldn't take it loading those music videos on YouTube when I was using my brother's laptop.

First song I listened to: Faithfully by the Glee Cast. Oh oh ohhhh.

Second song: Peace and Hate- The Submarines.

Now playing: Sweet Disposition- The Temper Trap.

God I've missed my songs.

There was something wrong with the operating system so I had the guys reformat Stella. Yes my Notebook has a name. Respect yo'. Damn I don't know what's gotten into me.


I'm still installing and personalizing Stella to make her the perfect notebook she once wasn't but will now be. Wa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Now playing: Hey, Soul Sister- Train. I can't wait to listen to all the songs I haven't had the chance to listen to since my computer. I'm so excited. And you're gonna be part of my rapture.

"I knew when we collided, you're the one I have decided, who's one of my kind"

So you're probably wondering what the hell happened to Stella.

Now Playing: I Want You- Savage Garden

That'll have to wait because I have chores. BYE bitches.

Friday, 1 July 2011


I had a fabulous idea while I was starving in class today.

Pizza for dinner. Royal Masala with extra cheese from Pizza Hut. Ouh joy! The ultimate food orgasm.

It was the perfect plan. Nobody would be home tonight; I was gonna be alone. I'd order the pizza, sit cozily on my couch and just slowly eat my delicious meal. It sounded like an excellent plan in my head.

But, (yes there's a but, the ever recurring bane on my life) I can't. Apparently it's too unhealthy for me to eat pizza. So yes I'm suffering here in hunger.

This pizza represents everything else in my life that I've ever wanted: the so-called unattainables. You may call me crazy. But while you have your awesome dinner I'm sitting here in starvation and depression and quite frankly irritation. Oh and unsatisfaction (if there even is such a word; I can't summon the energy to find a suitable word).

Everything I ever want in life is just passing me by, throwing tomatoes at my face and mocking me. The people, the chances, the food. The food. Oh the food. The pain. It hurts too much to think that I can't have my pizza. Like I said, you may call me crazy. But you are obviously not a food lover if you do.

I live to eat. Food was the only thing in my life that stayed with me. The only thing that accompanied me as I wallowed in depression, and as I rejoiced in ecstasy. Nothing else gives me the same satisfaction as a sandwich does when I chew on it. Nothing.

Now even that has been taken away from me. I cannot vent. I cannot celebrate. Food is leaving me too. I am but one person and only one. (Don't laugh. That line sounded awesome in my head)

I am alone.

Friday, 24 June 2011

Attempt #1

Let me try updating my blog with concrete posts. I mean, one concrete post, to start with.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you concrete.

Bah, I'm too lazy to put my thoughts into words.

Picture it...

You reach home after a long day at uni and tuition.

You die.

Sucks doesn't it?

Tuesday, 7 June 2011


Eleven days and counting.

I hate this.

I'm old.


If people three years younger than me assume that I'm an "uncle" then what more can I say?

I'm old.

Dorian Gray, you're my only friend.


Kill me la. I'm overcome by heat. From several sources. The weather, the people around me, and the weather. And the people around me. THE PEOPLE AROUND ME WTFFFFF.

Hot people should put in museums for people like me to stare at. But I guess that's what Facebook's for.

I'm gonna regret this post in the morning, when I'm sober.

Goodnight all yous beuatiful peoplesssssssss!

Indian, signing off.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Love, actually.

Ah, love.

I shall never understand it. I mean I get it. I do feel it. But I will never understand in a "couply" love.

I love my dogs.
I love my friends. family...I guess.

But I don't get the whole issue about being couples. True, I did have a girlfriend before. She was my best friend. The person I could not live without. The person whom I had to talk to the whole day no matter what. I seriously did not have any other friends beside her. I did have friends but nobody that mattered as much. I did not have any close friends. She was the only person I wanted to talk to at that time.

That's something I believe I will never have with another person ever in my life. Because I already have that with my friends. Yes, I don't feel the same way about them as I did with my girlfriend, but I'm content with my friends. I don't see how I can love anyone else differently from the way I love my friends. Once I have friends whom I love as much, what's the point of having just one person to love that much?

My friend told me that its different because of the feeling that that one person is yours and nobody else's. But how can one have a best friend and another person whom you also call your best friend, and the only difference is the girlfriend/boyfriend is one whom you're physically attracted to. So then what's the point of having a best friend? I just don't get it.

Yes, I guess I'm over thinking. I just can't help but wonder whether having a partner is just something human beings are so accustomed to and moulded to accept so much so that not having a girlfriend or boyfriend is not a norm?

In my opinion, I don't need a physical relationship with a person. Probably because I'm a very private person so much so that I can't be my real self around others, even the bestest of my best friends. And there's also that thing. Don't even get me started on my view on that. Two people, naked, exposed to each other, all vulnerable. Can you think of anything more embarrassing? O.O

Yes yes you're gonna think I'm weird. My defiance of the whole couple thing is probably full of fallacies.

If you have a girlfriend, then why do you have guy friends?
Because you need people like you as friends?
You need to do your usual guy stuff?
You can't play football with your girlfriend?
You can't play DotA with your girlfriends?
Why not get a boyfriend then you can do all the guy stuff with him?

If you have a boyfriend, then why do you have girl friends?
Because you need people like you as friends?
You need to do your usual girl stuff?
You can do your usual girl stuff with the guy whom you love so much?
He doesn't understand these things?
If he can't understand and you can't do these things with him then why be with him?
Why not get a girlfriend so that you can do all your girl stuff with her?

I want to do anything and everything with the person that I'm with because I believe in a package deal. I don't want to have a girlfriend (or boyfriend, I'm speaking for everyone here) who can't be my family and/ or friend. Why have a girlfriend or boyfriend when I can't spend each and every moment with him or her? What then, is the purpose of a relationship? For the continuity of life?

Honestly. Honestly. Seriously honest. If my girlfriend or boyfriend is unable to talk or interact with my group of friends and my family I will question what I'm actually doing with this person. This person is not able to even talk to the people I love most in life. Then what is this person to me? I might even decide to break up with the person because of this person. I've thought of this many times before. Hence, I believe that only the person I'm closest to can become my partner. But if the person is already my bestest best bestity best friend why should I take things to the next level? Relationships complicate things. I lost one best friend because we got into a relationship. I don't want to lose another friend.

Anyway, back to my question. What is the purpose of relationships? For the continuity of life? If you answer yes, then you've just succumbed to the norms of society. But that's not wrong. I just believe that that isn't the only answer.

If I've offended anyone by my words or thoughts in this post I'm sorry. If I've given anyone second thoughts about the relationship they're in now (I'm just taking into account the fact that it could happen, because I'm just that awesome) then I'm sorry but that was not my intention. If anyone feels the need to tell me that I'm wrong, please do tell me. I'm open to arguments. You're not wrong, and I'm not right. :) I just believe that yours isn't the only answer.

The Weekend

I realise that I'm not as active a blogger as I used to be.

This morning to was speaking to Airlacks and when he told me to check his blog for a reference he made to something, I did a double take. Just because I stopped blogging, I assumed that everyone else did too.

I was wrong. Though most of my friends don't blog anymore due to jam-packed timetables (which is one of the reasons I stopped), some still find the time to. And this made me realise that the reason I started blogging in the first place was out of interest, not because I was free. So here I am once more, with the interest to blog again.

So yes! I had a pretty eventful weekend. Tuition notwithstanding of course. I do consider my classes as part of my "life". So honestly, I am not lifeless. :D

Anyway! My week ended with lunch at TBR with Ellana of course. I think... When I think of how my week usually ends I always picture lunch with Ellana... I don't remember now but it'll come back to me. (Maybe this is why I decided to stop blogging: cos I can't recall half the things I actually want to blog about)

On to Saturday... damn. I forgot what happened. What the hell.


Shimi came over to uni after my classes ended. She was going to take part in the Public Speaking competition organized by The Star. So I cancelled my tuitions for the day to help her out. She was fucking awesome. We finished and had dinner and she left at about 11-ish. Time well spent, I have to say, because the next day she made it to the finals. :)


I had tuition in the morning with The Light Of My Life. His name is Jordan. On why he's The Light of My Life will have to wait for another post. Before tuition with him at 10am I decided to go to campus to use the computer lab. I have an assignment for Calculus which I haven't started. Yes. Present tense. Why have I still not started despite going to uni on Saturday? I met Joanna and Jerkins. XD

But I had to tear myself away from them to go for tuition at 10 but we decided to drop by Jerkins' place later after their classes so yeah. I went for tuition at The Light Of My Life's, taught him what animal and plant cells are for two hours and then left for campus once again to pick Joanna up to go to Jerkins' place.

Half an hour later, after nearly being mauled by his dogs, we sat in front of Jerkins' piano while he taught us how to play. After a while, we decided to go out to makan because Joanna had not had lunch and I sorta owed Jerkins for not letting him sleep that afternoon. =.=

So we sat in the mamak till like....6 and then I sent Joanna home and went back home. When I got home everyone was getting ready to go to my cousins' place at Shah Alam. Family tops everything else, well extended family at least, so I cancelled tuition that night. Muahahaha. I'm such an evil teacher. So yes I spent the rest of the night doing nothing actually. AJ dragged me out to some shop for a drink and made me pay. So yeah that was that. Got home at 1am.


Class at 9am. It was the usual class at V-Kidz kindergarten.

It was a very HOT day. I got home after class at 1.30 and slept till 3.30. Got to my music class just in time at 4. Then when I reached home I was instructed to mow the lawn. And by the time I was done it was already 8.

I wasted away the whole night by not doing anything. :(
I have a quiz on Wednesday. :(
Financial Economics quiz. :(

Gonna fucking die on Wednesday. God save us all.

Thursday, 24 March 2011

Black Swan

I felt it. It was perfect.


It is 2.30am and I have just finished watching Black Swan. I. Am. In. Awe.

Natalie Portman was fabulous as Nina, portraying a timid dancer who, despite her perfect techniques, just couldn't pull off the Black Swan. The transformation from Swan Queen to the Black Swan was awesomely-fantastically-beautiful as she finally conquered her fear of being cast away from the role by killing the only thing standing in her way: herself.

Kudos to Natalie Portman. You deserved the award for Best Actress.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Crackers and Oats

I'm having cream crackers and oatmeal for dinner. It's worse than I thought.

My feelings are being channeled into the food that I eat.

This morning, to ease the pain, I had 2 gigantic tuna sandwiches from Subway. The crust of the parmesan oregano bread caressed my wet tongue; the soft tuna massaged by the crunchy lettuce, tomatoes, cucmbers, jalapenos, and peppers melted in my mouth; the mayo and mustard provided a combination of tastes that could send a shiver down the spine of only a food addict (such as myself). I was powerless to stop the explosion of flavours. Food orgasm.

That was joy. I felt better. And then I felt full. Go figure.

But now, Hopelessness.

The only consolation I have is the hazelnut cocoa spread on my crackers. Oh how wonderful. Not.