Wednesday, 21 January 2009

You know you're in trouble when...

...your dad sends you a friend request on Facebook.

The horror! The privacy one seeks in the virtual world, broken by the presence of his/her parents is just unbecoming.

Let us just hope they don't find Blogger. Hope, pray, beg, whatever. *sighs*

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Today I...

...was nearly mugged.

Yeah, don't get your hopes up.

The fellow was stupid enough to snap my fake gold chain, then turn around while he rode away and shrug at me with a stupid straight face no less. Urgh, those shoulders are coming off one day. Mark my words.

We were both on bikes, I on the way home after buying some lunch, and he on the way to his doom. I saw my rear view mirror and noticed some clown coming closer to me. There I was thinking "Oh look some guy is gonna touch my shoulder; this should be fun." He felt the back of my neck, held the chain and snapped it, then moved forward. He turned back at me and looked at me with his pathetic face, daring me to chase him, or give some response. All I could see was that he did not have the chain, it was still on my neck. He kept looking at me, gestured as if asking me what my problem was, and pointed to the next exit. Then he went on his merry way. Dumbass.

You're probably wondering what I was doing in the middle of all this. I was staring back at him wondering "WHAT? Who IS this guy? Is he a snatch theif? If he is a snatch theif, why is he looking at me like that, and not running away? WHAT? Is he someone I know? If it is, then who could it be? How could he recognize me from the back and with my helmet on? WHAT? Should I follow him? I don't know who he is, what is gonna happen? WHAT? OMG I just got mugged! No, wait, nearly mugged! Why the hell did he snap my chain and go away? Is my pendant still intact? WHAT? This is the suck. Wow I just got mugged. No, just nearly got mugged."


All Miss Dicentra had to say about it was "I dont know what's funnier, the fact that you wear a fake gold chain or the guy could not snatch it."

We have a new crime folks: Snatching Heretic and Incompetency Theft (SHIT). It involves cases where incompetent snatch theifs go around destroying the possessions of people which they would usually snatch because they are just inept at it or they do not want to conform the practice of mugging but prefer to break/destroy the items. SHITing is now a crime. Thou shall not SHIT.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

Scoffing should be made illegal

As a follow up to the ridiculous law that those who sit in the back seats should wear their seat belts or risk being fined three hundred ringgits or jail, I hereby declare that scoffing should be made illegal, whereby those who scoff are sentenced to 3 whacks of the cane and 3 months prison and three hundred ringgits fine or all three (if the assailant is a compulsive scoffer).
Scoffing is so uncouth. When you scoff at something that someone says, you're actually telling the person "Look bitch, I have no interest in whatever you are trying to tell me as you are a low, not as educated as I am, inexperienced, and very simply, a bimbo. Hence I have no interest in your frugal thoughts; I wouldn't listen to your points, let alone pay a penny for them (it's not like they cost so much anyway. Thank you and fuck off."

You see how demeaning that can be to a person? That, coupled with the rolling eyes and small snort you let out as you scoff, gives you an extremely proud, arrogant, and asinine demeanor. Okay, technically you make 'the scoffee' (the person who you scoff at) look asinine, but to me scoffers are asinine.

Kiss my ass, scoffers ):P

Monday, 12 January 2009

Airlacks oh Airlacks

Airlacks never ceases to amaze me. Amaze, enthrall, disgust, irritate, you name it. Today, Kesavan was talking about changing courses, and I-Jing was also thinking about the same thing. She told Kesavan (I'm paraphrasing here):

I-Jing: Ei, you come with me go Kampar!
Kesavan: ...
I-Jing: Then we can sleep together.
Kesavan: Sleep together??!! *laughs*
(everyone laughs)
(except the Grinch)
Oh my...
"Oh my". "Oh MY"?! Ftw?!

There are a thousand things you could have said that would have sounded better than "Oh my". Like "Lol" or "Damn" or "Wtf" or Wth" or... I dunno! But "Oh my" ?? Tsk.

Yet another incident occured the day before the "Oh my" one. Airlacks ordered half-boiled eggs at Al-fucking-expensive-Esfan mamak restaurant. The eggs were served in a bowl with a saucer. Dear ol' Airlacks cracked the shells, poured the jelly-like matrix of the egg onto the saucer and put the empty shells into the bowl. Then he poured some soy sauce on it and started eating his eggs from the saucer.


Airlacks oh Airlacks. You're one of a kind. ;)

~Why don't YOU carry YOUR bag upside down? I'll still look like Mr Bean anyways.
~You're the UNgreat. Deal with it.
~Coulda', shoulda', woulda', gonna', but didn'.

MSN is going to start charging ...

... if guys like this fella right here continues spreading rumours about it:

inconsiderate people are
taking up all the name (eg making up lots of different accounts for just one
person), we only have 578 names left. If you would like to close your
account, DO NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE ON. If you would like to keep your
joke, we will be shutting down the servers. Send it on, thanks. WHO EVER
ATTENTION. It's no joke if you don't believe me then go to the site
( ) and see for yourself.
Anyways once you've sent this message to at least 18 contacts, your msn dude
will become blue.

I received this email a few days (or weeks) back. Now, being a practical person, I clicked the link to the BBC website. Lookie what I found.

Inconsiderate are we? How do you think WE like it, being sent emails about MSN charging us a fee to use Hotmail, trying to prove your legitimacy by inserting the link to an article that contradicts the very essence of the email you sent out? Waste of our time.

True enough there was an article about MSN charging users a certain fee, but the sender of the email was too much of an imbecile to read the article.

Alex will be ecstatic. :D
You're welcome Alex.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

It came from a ciplak store

When you buy a ciplak bag from a ciplak store, even though the bag looked sooo nice, had alot of room, was cheap, looked nice, and could carry all your paper, books, file, jacket, lab coat, etc, felt a little flimsy but looked nice, and expected it to last at least one semester, this is what you get, after three to four weeks nonetheless:

I can understand a ripped seam on one side, but on two? Not only that, the seam was splitting at a constant rate of (probably) a centimeter per hour.

Then waddaya know? Bada bing, bada boom! And you have this:

The upside down bag, because bottom up just won't do.

Right now, the bag is sitting on the floor beside me, ripping away for all I know (and care). Oh it's still roomy all right. With the seams split, the bag has alot of room. Just don't expect to find whatever you put in to be there when you open it again later.

Tuesday, 6 January 2009

The English Language

There are those that walk among us (I call them retards) who think they are masters of the English language. I find them absolutely conceited. Mostly because they are not masters of the English language; if they were, I would have nothing against them.

English Pictures, Images and Photos

Who is the master of anything anyway? Kings? Right. They are not masters of my thoughts, your thoughts. Hence I conclude this paragraph with this statement: No one is the master of anything; you only master that which is in your line of knowledge/sight.

I have seen those who go "His/Her English sucks!" and I would be beside them thinking "...uh-huh, freak...and yours does?" Okay sure, they are able to identify the mistakes in "I'm not racism" and I'm not suck" but they lack the advantage in so many other areas, spelling and tenses being one of them.

Not forgetting singular/plural of course. Someone I know who claimed she/he was good at English kept repeatedly saying "I doesn't have..." and "They doesn't know..."

Do I hear you saying "But we're speaking Manglish (Malaysian English)"? Well, sorry to be in your face and all when I say this but "Bullshit".

Bullshit. "I doesn't have" and "I'm not suck" are not Manglish. They are pure, unadulterated grammar mistakes. So in fact, your idea of "the perfect English" spoken by yourself actually sucks.

Please don't write in or tell me how offended you are. I really don't care. :)

Thursday, 1 January 2009


You know it is going to be a bad year ahead when the first thing you say on New Year's day is "Bummer".

It is really funny how nothing I ever want to do ever turns out, never materialises. I did not go to The Curve. That ended any enthusiasm I had for the New Year. I thought I knew what the plan was, but I was wrong. Bummer. I was supposed to watch a movie before the countdown. Didn't happen. Bummer.

The anticlimax of the night was not that I could not go to The Curve or watch a movie. Hell, those could be done on any given day. The point is I did not get to do what I wanted to do, on the one day of the year I wanted to do something important to me. But you know, when live gives you lemons, make lemonade. I sat an made lemonade at Pavillion, Bukit Bintang.

The countdown was not so bad. People jumping, shouting, dancing, floating on moshpits... Yeah typical behaviour on New Year's eve. It was great to see how we were not individuals there, but a community, celebrating an imminent event, most hoping for a great year ahead and some just living in the moment.

Hordes of inane people danced along the streets, spraying cans of snow spray (or whatever it was) on others who passed, wearing Mouse ears and Devil horns and yea just going crazy. There was no trouble, despite all the fuss the authorities were making over the New Year celebrations. No trouble at all. No one was raped, no one was mugged, no one was abused, nothing. Hey, it's the New Year; we're all filled with the same spirit: the spirit of Joy. Well, most of us anyway.

Happy New Year, folksies.