Thursday, 15 May 2008

I hate the Harry Potter movies: Part Quatre

The movies suck so much on so many levels. I-I just ... cannot stand it!! Phew. I just don't understand why the movies are not structured properly. Why? Why?

The first movie was directed by Chris Columbus.

Doesn't look so bad innit? It actually looks quite magical and believable as a fantasy film. The movie was not so bad either. I actually liked it very much. I liked seeing them in the castle, studying magic, and Quidditch! Ah... Quidditch! Hmm.. what else did I like about the movie?? (I'm becoming one of those bloggers who note each of their thoughts) *back to normal self* Anyway, this movie was not bad, it was actually good. Okay I've mentioned that. Argh! I liked it okay? I was just good. There were a few things I didn't agree with but those things are trivial and overlook-able.

The second movie rocked. Yes, Chris Columbus was the director.

Gahh ....! I cannot put into words my feelings towards this movie!!! I was simply wunderbar! It was dark and scary and just fantastical! Sigh...~~~

The third movie was directed by ... *grunts* Alfonso Cuaron.

The series just went downhill from here. Look at the poster. The wind effect lost its touch long ago people, let alone using it on these war-minded teenagers.

Till today I'm still trying to figure out why Chris Columbus handed the movie to Alfonso Cuaron, of all people! Y Tu Mama Tambien (a movie which was directed by Monsieur Cuaron) wasn't all that great you know. It had nudity and all the naughty things children should not see. (not that I watched it ... *blushes*) Er ... anyway ... Why Mr Columbus, why? Why Cuaron?? What does Cuaron have in his repertoire that proves that he is suitable to direct a movie of this genre??

He changed alot of things that were in the previous two movies you know. The Whomping Willow somehow shrunk into a normal sized tree standing, not "in the middle of the grounds" but by the slopes of the hills around Hogwarts. Okay this is a little complicated for me to explain but I cam going to do it anyway. I agree with Mr Cuaron's concept for the Whomping Willow. Yes I do. I agree with the concept of the tree itself. Columbus made the tree a freaking huge one with clubs for branches. I just couldn't agree with that. Cuaron made it better. But WHY did he have to move the bloody tree? The tree was in the middle of the grounds! Leave the thing there! He shouldn't even have changed the shape of the tree. Columbus made it retarded so leave it. Why could he not do it? Incompetency is what I call it.

Another mistake, and this is quite prominent too, Hagrid seemed to have moved to a new home didn't he? From the hut he had near the school building in the first and second movie, he moved to a hut further away from the school, down below the sloping lawns. Was that really necessary? Seriously, was it? The Forbidden Forest was always behind Hagrid's hut, so why the sudden move? Why?

Thirdly, *ehem* why have their uniforms changed?

Photobucket Photobucket

Notice anything different about the uniforms? No? Fine. But I'm not explaining either.

And while we're on the topic, why the ruddy hell aren't they wearing uniforms in the movie?? They are not wearing their uniforms in most of the scenes, as opposed to the previous two movies where they always wore uniforms, since they ARE school students and they ARE in school and stuff, you know.

What else wasn't right about this movie? Hmmm ... Oh yeah! Did anyone check out the werewolf? What in the world was that bloody creature? Did Monsieur Cuaron even read any books on werewolf, let alone look it up on the internet? Here's how the werewolf was portrayed in the movie:

Now compare it to this creature:

thinking alittle to hard
Me thinks there's a strange likeness.

Next, did u notice that the whole ambience of the movie feels different from the first two? I certainly felt different when I watched this movie. It didn't feel the same. This point is hard to explain so I don't expect you to understand. :P

Next, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, directed by Mike Newell.

Sigh, once again, the wind effect. What is with these people? Try a different approach for goodness sake. You dare to change the movie so much from the previous three but when it comes to picture time, you decide to remain orthodox, not that the first two movies used this effect, but STILL ... once is bliddy enough!

So what was wrong with this movie? Everything! Every single thing! From the beginning where Harry wakes up in Ron's house to the end where the other schools depart from Hogwarts. Where do I start? Let's start with the prominent mistakes made by the creators, or rather, the director, since he takes all the credit for the movie.

Let's talk about Professor Moody. A little bit too much don't you think? When I watched the movie I couldn't help but think "Is he on crack?" I mean, did you see the way he was acting? He wasn't growling, he was shouting! Shouting at students and throwing chalk at them. Growling is something, but shouting is taking it too far. Acting roughly with students also is taking too far. But they equalised this with him being a total lunatic (SPOILER) at the end so they think it is okay. But I do not.

When Moody made his entrance in the Great Hall, there was thunder in the sky. Upon seeing this, he points his wand to the sky and casts some crap to it and the thunder goes away. Uh... relevance? None? Yes.

And since when does Hermione have the nerve to shout at a teacher?

"Stop it! Can't you see its bothering him? STOP IT!"

She shouted at Professor Moody when he was torturing the spider and simultaneously causing Neville uneasiness. Tsk tsk Hermione. She should have been put in detention. Firstly for shouting at a teacher, and secondly for refusing to answer his question about the last Unforgivable Curse. Bitch.

Secondly, why does Professor Moody say "Professor Sprout tells me you have a knack for Herbology" when Neville puts up his hand to asnwer a question? What? Did I hear you answer "Because that's the style of incompetent scriptwriters who simply love to include irrelevant lines in the films?" Correct.

"Eternal glory. That's what awaits the student who wins the Triwizard Tournament." These were the words of Professor Dumbledore when addressing the students at the start-of-term feast. So the student who wins this tournament will be forever happy and joyful eh? Then why does Cedric Diggory get killed despite winning the Triwizard Cup in the end? And when I say win, I mean he got past all the obstacles and managed to get the Cup which was located in the middle of the maze (the object of the Third Task). So he touched the Cup, got transported to a graveyard and was killed by Death Eaters or possibly the most evil dark wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort (this wasn't explained). If that is how one attains eternal glory, boy, I'd rather stay miserable for the rest of my life. But hey, Cedric could be up in heaven enjoying his eternal glory right now couldn't he? Bless his soul.

Here's another thing. Did anyone notice that only the people who we saw put their names into the Goblet of Fire (not including Harry and Fleur) were chosen as Triwizard champions? Also not including Fred and George whose applications were rejected due to their being underage and all. Did you see anyone else put their names into the Goblet? I think not. Even Krum who put his name into the Goblet with Karkaroff beside him did it by himself. None of his other schoolmates put their names into the Goblet. Could the makers of the movie not show more people putting their names into the Goblet? No they could not. Why? Incompetency.

What's with the dance rehearsal with Professor McGonagall eh? McGonagall is actually teaching the Gryffindor students how to dance. Once again, this is a question of relevancy. Yes? No.

The next movie is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix directed by David Yates.

Sigh......... what can I say about this movie? The fighting scenes were awesome! The first time i saw it I was in awe... Kudos Mr. Yates.

But like all the others, there were mistakes here and there. I think I have highlighted some of these mistakes in my other posts. So there's no need for me to mention them here.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows are disasters waiting to happen. And you bet your bucks I'll be there to report it if they are. :D

Coming up:
We'll see what I can come up with

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