Wednesday, 7 May 2008

I hate the Harry Potter movies

Irony and Sarcasm

Okay I am officially pissed, not that I wasn't before. But I'm just mad that the Harry Potter movies are simply sucky! How can J.K Rowling sit back and watch those imcompetent fools produce a movie that lacks ... er ... the true essence of Harry Potter? I'm sorry Yvonne, but I just have to blog about this. I can't take it, blogging about stuff that I like; I don't really have a reason for liking anything.

It's 2.19am in the morning and I'm too tired to elaborate. But let me give examples of lines from the movies that I can remember which just SUCKED.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Lord Voldemort: (to Harry) You will lose everything ...

Er ... Did I miss something here? He will lose everything? Let's see. Voldemort killed his parents, was the cause of him being tortured by his uncle and aunt, caused him to live 11 years as a sad little boy, caused hell for him at the end of every school year, made him famous (something he hates), and on top of that, wants to kill him. How much more can a person lose? That has got to be the most ridiculous line in the world, not to mention making that line the tagline for the movie. Damn. You will lose everything. "Like I haven't lost enough" should be the proper reply by that teenage delinquent who seems incapable of expressing his feelings in the movie. Which brings me to the next point.

(Repetition of the earlier points) Harry Potter lost his parents. He lives with his horrible aunt and uncle who made the first 11 years of his life horrible and the consequent summers even more so. He has to face shit in school every time the school term starts. Let's review:

First Year:
  1. Curious students try to get a good view of his scar all the effin time.
  2. School students hate him because he lost 150 points for his house when he tried to help someone. (Oh wait this is not mentioned in the movie is it?)
  3. Professor Quirrel tries to kill him because Voldemort (who happens to be possessing Quirrel) wants the Philosopher/Sorcerer's stone.
  4. He has to face all sorts of obstacles to get to the Philosopher/Sorcerer's stone so that humanity does not have to suffer the rise of Lord Voldemort.
  5. Snape (this goes without saying.
Second Year:
  1. Snape.
  2. He can hear voices which others cannot.
  3. He has to cope with a bitch teacher who keeps showing off and making Harry look like an idiot.
  4. A stalker. (thats all I'm gonna say)
  5. He finds out he is a Parselmouth (he can talk to snakes) which means he could be an ancestor of Salazar Slytherin.
  6. He was suspected of being the Heir of Slytherin.
  7. Woe be him, the students of the school hate him again.
  8. He finds a strange diary that shows him that his friend could be a killer.
  9. He tries to prove his friend's innocence by finding the truth but instead ends up fighting a huge serpent in a huge drain under the school. (hey, it IS a drain, so to speak)
  10. Finds out he somehow has a connection with the man who killed his parents and started this shit in the first place.
Third Year
  1. Someone is out to kill him.
  2. People are not telling him that someone is out to kill him.
  3. Hermione has a new cat. (not relevant, but that cat is a pain in the ass)
  4. Dementors. Vicious creatures that love to suck the happiness out of him.
  5. He has to take new classes, one which includes a teacher who's hell bent on predicting his death, and another which involves a biting book.
  6. He has to deal with his Dementor problem.
  7. He is humiliated by his Dementor problem because of Malfoy.
  8. Malfoy's existence.
  9. Snape's existence.
  10. Hagrid's lack of confidence in teaching thanks to Malfoy.
  11. Buckbeak's trial.
  12. The Quidditch Final.
  13. He loses a match against *gulp* Hufflepuff.
  14. His broken broomstick.
  15. His new broomstick which was sent by an anonymous person.
  16. His new broomstick was confiscated by Professor McGonagal because she thinks she is his momma and can order him around and take whatever that belongs to him.
  17. He has to deal with the fact that Sirius Black was the cause of his parents' death.
  18. Sirius Black is his godfather.
  19. Sirius Black was friends with his father.
  20. Peter Pettrigrew actually was the cause of his parents' death.
  21. Lupin is a werewolf.
  22. Lupin is an ugly werewolf (in the movie).
  23. More of Snape.
  24. Lupin quits as Defence teacher.
Fourth Year
  1. Voldemort's supporters are doing strange shit.
  2. Hermione's constant rants about elf rights.
  3. His scar is always prickling.
  4. His godfather's whereabouts and safety.
  5. Cedric Diggory.
  6. The Triwizard Tournament, which he was chosen for.
  7. The poor god-forsaken boy is hated by his schoolmates again.
  8. He is hated by Ron.
  9. Hermione is a boring friend to be with.
  10. Rita Skeeter keeps pushing his buttons.
  11. He is embarrassed because the newspaper keeps publishing him in good light.
  12. Someone at Hogwarts is trying to kill him.
  13. He needs to find a date for the ball.
  14. Cho is going with Cedric to the ball.
  15. The First Task.
  16. Solving the riddle of the egg.
  17. Being naked in one bathtub with Moaning Myrtle (Oh the horror!).
  18. Professor Moody's weirdness is off the scale.
  19. Snape and Malfoy's existence. (as usual)
  20. The Second Task.
  21. Dobby is working at Hogwarts. (just when he thought he was done with that darn elf)
  22. Hagrid is half-giant and refuses to come out because he is a sissy and cannot suck it up.
  23. Rita Skeeter is getting inside information on his life at Hogwarts.
  24. Someone is still trying to kill him.
  25. People think he and Hermione are dating.
  26. Mr Crouch's sudden appearance in the school grounds.
  27. Ludo Bagman's kepoci-ness.
  28. The Third Task.
  29. Cedric's death.
  30. The rebirth of Voldemort.
  31. Fighting Voldemort and about a dozen Death Eaters.
  32. Running away from the graveyard and back to Hogwarts.
  33. He is beat because of the terrible ordeal he had been through that night.
  34. One of the teachers turned out to be the one trying to kill him.
  35. Hidden secrets which he would have preferred not knowing.
  36. Facts he hates to deal with.
Fifth Year
  1. Puberty and his short-tempered character.
  2. Being expelled.
  3. If I continue I will never get some sleep ... let us leave it at that.
So, with all this bottled up inside him, you'd think that he would at least see a shrink every once in a while. But that's not the point. I hope u have not forgotten the point. The point is, he should a sad, sad motherfcuker. But in the movie he has a straight face, no matter where he is. Occasinally he will show an emotion or two by smiling and looking a little worried. Speaking of emotions, his friends (and I quote Hermione from the book, "has the emotional range of a teaspoon," all put together, if I may add. Want an example? Okay. When Harry is possessed by Voldemort in the Ministry of Magic in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, his friends come up and find him there, on the floor, writhing in agony, and they just look upon him, sadly (or was it a concentrating stare?). *rolls eyes*

ron weasley

I have alot more to say about the Harry Potter Movies. However all cannot be expressed in this post. So I'll see you in another post.

Coming up:
Dumbledore: Fake much?

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