Indifference: Revolutionising problem solving.

I always live a life based on perception. Other peoples perception, that is. What they thought always mattered to me; whether it was good or bad. I hated it when people thought I was proud or stupid or hot-tempered et cetera and I liked it if people thought I was a nice, responsible, fun guy and the like. This not only lead me to a rut, but also to a life where I always worried about other peoples' perception of me.

I used to shrug this off as a peripheral problem, but I realised that this can not go on. How? Elle told me something that I will not forget. Let me show you.

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Well I was complaining about a lot of things and this is what she said:

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:39:15 AM) :u knw what

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:39:18 AM) :what?

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:39:24 AM) :i think u care bout wtf people say

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:39:41 AM) :yeah

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:39:42 AM) :i do

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:40:03 AM) :cos i dont like giving them bad impressions about myself

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:40:06 AM) :its just me.

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:40:11 AM) :hmm

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:40:13 AM) :listen

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:40:18 AM) :i wish i could change that tho

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:40:23 AM) :my mom taught me "not to give a fuck"

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:40:28 AM) :coz if u do give a fucking fuck

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:40:34 AM) :u wont grow and there wont be any progress

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:40:46 AM) :thats why u hv to hv the fucking guts to not give a single fuck

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:43:08 AM) :u knw why manson can be successful?

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:43:34 AM) :why? cos he doesn give a fuck?

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:43:50 AM) :YES!

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:43:55 AM) :why **** kept on killing people?

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:44:03 AM) :cos he doesn give a fuck

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:44:19 AM) :why ******* can stirp 100 times but end up so fucking successful?

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:44:33 AM) :cos she DOESN GIVE A FUCK

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:44:44 AM) :man, i get it now...

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:44:59 AM) :YES!

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:45:04 AM) :the key is not to give a fuck

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:45:42 AM) :but...butt

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:45:53 AM) :what about if they tell people

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:45:59 AM) :that i suck

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:46:00 AM) : and then

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:46:02 AM) : those people

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:46:05 AM) : stay away from me

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:46:13 AM) : and if i ever need their help

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:46:18 AM) : they dont wnna help me

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:46:17 AM) : move on and dont give a fuck

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:46:28 AM) : and just prove to them that ur not as bad as they think u are

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:47:13 AM) : hmm

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:47:15 AM) : yeah

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:47:16 AM) : true

Sudhan (1/19/2008 12:47:23 AM) : maybe i shudn give a fuck

x´¯`eLLe´¯`× .. (1/19/2008 12:47:40 AM) : TRUE THAT!

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So the next time someone insults you, do this :

My Artwork

These are my drawings. I copied them from pictures of my favourite show when I was young: Mummies Alive!. Don't look at their faces, hands and feet, because I don't like drawing faces, hands and feet.

Stereotyping them for thier ludicrous productions.

Indian Movies, I have this to say to you.

Have you given any thought to how much you suck? More than half of your movies are filled with absurdities beyond human comprehension and ability. And the names of your movie industries. Whats up with that? Bollywood? Kollywood? Sandalwood? Mollywood and Tollywood? How original. *rolls eyes*

Look. Try to make a movie more entertaining by inserting something more sensible please. How the heck am I supposed to sit through a movie about a guy who makes leaves fly round and round by a simple movement of his legs without barfing? Oh yeah, I can't. *barfs* Not to mention the same guy also jumps 10 meters across the hall without making so much as a curve in the air. He basically looks like an aeroplane flying in mid-air. Even aeroplanes have a starting point where they take off. But no, this guy jumps and suddenly is flat in the air. *barfs even more*

Movies made in Hollywood,

Let me give you a typical example of a Hollywood-made movie that is, for want of a better word, ludicrous. Oh wait, ludicrous is the best word. *grins* Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. I have never seen a movie with so many flaws. In the words of a bimbo, "Like, Oh my God". Seriously, I don't know where to start commenting about this movie? Should I start at the first section of the movie, where the Angels crash the side of a dam with a truck, fall God-Knows-How-Many feet below while managing to open up the helicopter in the back of the truck, and fly through the air to get onto the helicopter? And then I shall move on to the part where they go motorcross racing and somehow manage to gain the ability to ride, pose, and perform stunts on motorbikes like decades-experienced riders. Besides that, a guy could turn upside down in the air while on his motorbike and shoot (10 shots per second if you ask me- of course it was all in slow motion) the Angels who followed him from behind. Oh my, I cannot seem to explain the actions of the people in this film lah. However one of two things can be concluded: McG (the director) is a piece of shit or... his ideas were pieces of refuse splattered here and there for the world to barf at. *Barfs* They took the word throttle literally, I'm guessing. McG sucks.

I feel bad ... The tale of the BM teacher.

Once upon a time, in a land 5 kilometers from my my home, there lived a BM teacher.

She was an evil lady who always made her students suffer by throwing homework at them and teaching Sastera improperly (she finished the novel in a week and never went back to it later on). Ignoring the fact that I'm being hyperbolic about her evil character, she also never pitied her students and always made sure they received bad marks in their BM exam. With that she actually had the audacity to tell parents that *student's name* was a little mischievous and she thought he/she could do better if he/she paid attention. I hate it when teachers do that: they scold you as if the world ends if your homework is not done and say "I'm gonna tell your mom/dad" and when the day comes for them to meet the parents they chicken out and say "Well ... your son/daughter is good, but he/she needs to brush up and pay attention" in the most polite tone anyone can have. Hypocrites. No ... no ... Motoloks.

Ok so now that we have established the fact that The Evil BM Teacher is a Motolok, let's call her that from now on.

So Motolok is the editor of the school magazine and she 'works hard' to keep it coming out well. She keeps all the info about the magazine in her FlashDisk; pictures, files, reports, etc. After our society took our group photographs, she gave me a sample photo to show my society members so that they will be able decide if they wanted to buy a copy. I gave it to the secretary of our club so that she could pass it around (alot of 'so that's' huh?). After she had done that she told me she put it on Motolok's table in the staff room. But when I went to her to confirm that she got it, she said that she did not. :| How uckfay-ed up huh? She started telling me stuff like she doesn't know where it was and if I didn't give it to her stuff would happen, I think. So she was really pissed at me. She also told me that my members would not get the pictures and that she did not care. Big deal! Like I gave a shit. Pfft. 8-| Anyway I hated her so much since that event. And what happened next made me happier.

One fine morning during the morning assembly, Motolok takes the mic and informs us that her handbag was stolen. Her FlashDisk was in her handbag so that meant good news for the magazine committee (Ahli Sidang Redaksi). So guess what happened then? She - get ready for this - cried. She started crying, I tell you! She was going on and on about how she was going to jinx the person who took it and other crap like that. The Senior Assistant (Penolong Kanan) tried to take the mic away from her and calmed her down, but she gripped the mic hard, kicked the Penolong Kanan in the shins, and said "Stay away from me Bitch!" And that was that.

Motolok got a new handbag, started strutting around as usual, pretending that we were not making fun of her behind her back (we called her Crybaby), and did not come to class for about a month. Can you believe how irresponsible she was?? Leaving us all alone one month before we were supposed to sit for a bliddy major examination; not to mention we cannot pass SPM without a pass in BM. Our grades for that subject was the suck as it was and there she was going all emo on us.

Then during our trial examination, she came in to invigilate and she did not let go of her handbag. How funny is that? She walked around the class with her handbag hung from one shoulder. I could not stop laughing (on the inside of course).

Anyway the Friday before we sat for our first paper (BM) our school gathered all the Form Five students and got them to have a "thank you" session with their teachers. This was an opportunity for us to thank our teachers for all that they have taught us and cry our eyes out like as if we will actually miss them after that. *rolls eyes till they pop out* So I was shaking hands with my teachers and saying thank you with a huge (fake) smile when I came to Motolok. GUESS WHAT SHE TOLD ME. She told me "Sudhan, good luck for your exams. I hope you do well. I'm sorry for the fight we had earlier this year".

I was gobsmacked! I did not know what to do! I told her "No, Motolok, it was my fault mainly for being irresponsible" and told her "thank you very much". Since then I have felt bad about whatever I talked and thought about her. I'm sorry Motolok. :) I wrote this because I wanted to share this story with the World Wide Web, but you don't care do you? That's because you don't understand what I'm talking about, but thats OK.

Once again I want to stress on the point that I have been hyperbolic in explaining Motolok's character. Don't be stupid and think that she is that evil. She is actually pretty nice. I remember when I was in Form Three, I went to the canteen to get a drink when my teacher was not in class. She caught me on the way and asked me "Where are you going?" and i replied "The canteen, maam". She asked me why and I said that I wanted to buy some water. Then she asked me "You are thirsty, is it?" (Dahaga ke?) and I said "Yes you cock, why else would I want to buy a drink?" Kidding. I said "Yes" of course. The she allowed me to go. My point here is: when she asked me if I was thirsty she gave that motherly look and I thought she was a nice person. I guess I judged her too quickly. However I don't hate her anymore. :)

Ambition and Career

That is something, isn't it? Fresh out of school, thinking of loads of stuff to do, places to go, people to meet. But now I have to make a huge decision; once decided, there is no going back: My Future.

It is easy for those who are focused on what they want to be and do after their schooling life but for those who are indecisive (namely, moi) have a tough choice to make. As much as i would like to go back to school ... no wait ... I don't. Haha.

I was reading my friend, Static Spike's blog about his career paths and it occurred to me that I should get a move on with what I want to do once my SPM results are out. As if I'd sit and watch others progress with their life and do nothing about mine. 8-| But that's not the point. I'm straying from it. Haih ...

I have a couple of choices of courses I want to study: Actuarial Science, Biomedical Science, and Biotechnology.

I always look into the future, you know. If I choose something, I will always think about what happens when I choose whatever it is I choose. That's the main factor of my indecisive character.

ACTUARIAL SCIENCE
I like Maths. Actuarial Science sounds good. But i DON'T want to study Economics and Accounting (which are the core subjects in this course). *groans*

BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE
Yes, yes I want this. I really do; reason not integral. However I am doubting this course because I am worried that I won't be able to cope with it. How hard is it? I've suffered enough studying Biology and Chemistry in school, thank you very much. But back then I did not put in much effort. :-/

BIOTECHNOLOGY
I don't even know how this option came into my head. I think my parents slowly planted this idea into my head unknowingly. Hmm. Not thinking about it, but still.. :-??

Look I don't even know why I am bothering to blog about this crap that is in my head at 5.53 in the morning. I should be sleeping. I hate blogging. I feel insecure that people can read what I am thinking. Literally. :| You people disgust me. >:P

PS: To understand the smileys I have included, you either have to be Elle or using Yahoo Messenger to understand them. =;

With the strength of Ra, bitches!

I recently discovered that videos of my favourite cartoon series was uploaded into YouTube. How great is that?

5 Thumbs Up !

Starting Afresh 8-|

" I have never blogged before ... yada yada yada ... This is my first time ... blah blah blah "

That was the gist of my first blog before I deleted it into oblivion. Time to *gulp* start afresh.

This is not the first time I have decided to start afresh (on anything for that matter); my Friendster and Myspace profiles have had more work done on than Mount Rushmore.

Anyway, Happy New Year.

Or is it? For some of you: "yes". The rest of us: it's either *shrugs* or "pfft" complemented with a *rolls eyes*. Which category do you fall under?